he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
