I have demons in me.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
