I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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