but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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