Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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