mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
