I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
