I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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