He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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