I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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