You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
