That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
