You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
