i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
