forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
