its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
