I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
