No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
