eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
