somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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