If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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