Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
