But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
