i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
