i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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