Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
