i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
