Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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