Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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