new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
