I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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