just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
