i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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