watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
