He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
