I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
