The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
