i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
