oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
