she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
