It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
