Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So. Much. Porn.
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