True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
