I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
