Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
