You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
