Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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