Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
