Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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