I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
