I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
