this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
being pregnant is like rehab
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
