i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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