I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
