too bad you live with your parents still
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
