I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
