there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
